Thursday, June 12, 2014

Kids Say the Funniest Things

Phone conversation with my 3 year old grandson today:

Grandson: "Hi Grandma!"
Me: "Hi Honey."
Grandson: "Grandma, Jesus came out of my picture and said it was okay for me to come to your house today."
Me: Nothing because I was trying not to giggle into the phone.
Grandson: after a pause . . . "Oh, and Momma was naked."
Daughter grabs phone: "Mom, I had just stepped out of the shower when he ran in and told me that Jesus said he could come to your house."
Me: Now laughing hysterically!
Out of the mouth of babes!

Monday, May 20, 2013

Donnie and Marie

by Cindy R. Williams

 Donny and Marie. What does that mean to you? A little bit country? A little bit rock and roll? Paper Roses? Puppy Love? Mulon? Depends what year you were born.

Sure, I grew up with them. I even attended Marie's wedding reception when she married Steve Craig --the first time.

I will be attending the Donny and Marie Show in Las Vegas with my mom, husband, son and daughter and son-in-law soon. It will be my second time seeing them in the past six months.

My mother is a huge Donny fan and gave us tickets to see their Christmas show at the Gammage. It was incredible. Donny and Marie are true showmen/women/people!  Both have incredibly trained voices and insane stage presence.

Let me tell you a little story about my mom and Donny Osmond. A couple of years ago, my brother took our mom to Las Vegas to see the Donny and Marie show for her birthday. (He always does one-up my sister and me.)  They arrived just in time to unload their luggage in their hotel room and change for the show. Mom was so excited that after she brushed her teeth, she forgot to put her one false tooth back in. It is the second from the top front, so yeah, it shows. She, and said brown nosing brother, hurried to the show.

Afterword, there was an opportunity to shake Donny's hand and get an autographed picture. They waited in line and when it was their turn, Mom grinned with her mouth closed but wouldn't talk. My brother is a funny guy. He told Donny that Mom was a super fan, but embarrassed because she forgot her tooth. Mom about melted into the ground. Donny flashed his million dollar smile then quickly grabbed an 8 by 10 glossy, signed it and handed it to Mom.

When they got back to their hotel room, Mom looked at the picture. Donny had written, "To my dear friend. Don't forget your tooth!  Love, Donny.

I am looking forward to the show, not only to see Donny and Marie, but to watch my dear mother act like a kid in a candy shop.

Donny and Marie forever!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Departure

Cindy R. Williams
The Departure

Last of the last week lasts! 
Packed – check. 
Leave for the airport – check. 
Turn back around for “forgot something” – check.
Small talk chatter avoid the impending bigness of two years apart – check.
Wait at the the gate bouncing up and down, holding back tears – check.
 “Time to go” melt down by the Mom – check.
Walked like  man through the gate – check.
Flying to SLC – check.
Only 729 days to go – smile and groan, both at the same time. What a ride!!!!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Mother's Great Advice

by Cindy R. Williams

I'm finally old enough to realize how wise my own mother is. (It only took me thirty-plus years to figure this out.)

Mom stopped by today for our weekly lunch. She left a paper on my roll top desk without saying a word. You see, she learned long ago, that I listen to her counsel better when she gives it in a more back door, you discover it yourself, fashion.

Here is what the paper said:



I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."

No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well, I have now gotten rid of that shampoo and I'm going to start showering with Dawn dish soap instead. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Problem solved! 

If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower.

My mother is full of good advice!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Apples and Frogs

by Cindy R. Williams

The other day I was sitting at my kitchen table that was covered with illustrations and the story board for my next children's picture book. My sister/illustrator and I were visiting as we worked. We lost our father to Alzheimer's a few years ago. I asked her how long she thought our mother had to compensate and cover for our dad. She said for many, many years. I then asked her in hind sight, how old was she when she noticed the effects of the disease on our father. She answered that she remembers Dad acting a little eccentric clear back when she was three years old. Then she added that his father, our grandfather, was gassed in some forest during World War II, and it effected Dad and all his siblings. They were all a bit strange. As she continued talking, she hopped up and began smacking the kitchen bay window with her hand in attempts to try to get rid of a fly. She hopped up and down like a frog on a hot stove. I smiled at her and thought, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I love you my goofy big sister!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

By Cindy R. Williams

My sister, Vicky, sent me these. We are not sure where they all came from, but they are a lot of fun. A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. (Note: the two groups of text below have both similar and dissimilar lines.)

How about these?

1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

7. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

9. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

11. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

15. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

16. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

17. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

18. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

19. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

20. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

21. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

22. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! (This is my personal favorite and I plan to use it often!)

23. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

24. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

25. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

26. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

27. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

28. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

29. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

30. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. .

31. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Female Teacher's Contract - Utah 1923

by Cindy R. Williams

In 1922 my grandmother, Alice Rupp Sample, was a school teacher in Utah. Her career lasted all of one year because she got married the next year, and believe it or not, married women were not allowed to be teachers according to the Female Teacher's Contract which came into effect in 1923. My dear mother, Verlayne Sample Richardson, found the contract a few weeks ago and gave me a copy.

Here are the 12 rules:

1. Teacher is not to get married. This contract becomes null and void if the teacher marries.
2. Teacher is not to keep the company of men.
3. Teacher must be home between the hours of 8:00 PM and 6:00 AM unless in attendance at a school function.
4. Teacher must not loiter downtown in ice cream parlors.
5. Teacher may not leave town at any time without permission of the Chairman of the Board of Trustees.
6. Teacher is not to smoke cigarettes or drink wine, beer or whisky. This contract becomes null and void if teacher is caught smoking, or drinking wine, beer or whiskey.
7. Teacher may not ride in a carriage with any man except her brother or father.
8. Teacher is not to dress in bright colors.
9. Teacher may not dye her hair.
10. Teacher will not wear dresses more than two inches above the ankle.
11. Teacher is to wear at least two petticoats.
12. Teacher is to bring a bucket to school to clean and scrub the building every week.

My, my, my, I wonder what bloggers or "light year word writers" "space word floaters" or cyber writers" whatever they will be doing or called in 2110, a hundred years from now, will think about the rules for female teacher of our time.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Preview of My Someday Grandchild's Name

We visited Grandma Sunday, and my ten year old was listening in as we discussed the names my daughter and her hubby have chosen for my first ever grand baby --a boy!  In a short lull in the conversation, my cute ten year old popped in with the name he wants for his own son someday. Wait for it . . .
 "Dude". "Dude, I asked wondering if I heard correctly. "Yeah, Mom, spelled D-O-O-D."  Kids, aren't they wonderful!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Crazy Posts Wanted!

CRAZY LADIES out there. I am looking for your crazy posts. Leave a comment and let me know if you have a crazy story or post you would like to share. I know you are out there. I see you everyday!